Love is in the air this time of year and couples often exchange lavish gifts, share intense declarations of their feelings and give lots of attention to each other for Valentine’s Day. While these are usually seen as romantic gestures, experts warn they could actually be signs of controlling behavior. In fact, divorce coach Nawal Houghton says February is a peak time for what she calls “too-good-to-be-true” toxic relationships.
Love bombing is one of the biggest warning signs of them and according to Houghton, Valentine’s Day can be the perfect cover for it because over-the-top romance is expected for the holiday. Love bombing is when someone goes all out with attention, affection and big romantic gestures, like extravagant gifts, declarations of love and constant attention, but it’s not to build a genuine connection, it’s to fast-track attachment and control. While it “feels intoxicating at first,” this expert says it’s “about power, not partnership.”
Valentine’s Day can make love bombing harder to spot, but Houghton says these are some signs you’re being love bombed:
- It feels too intense too soon - Like if they’re talking about “forever” before they really know you.
- Grand gestures replace real connection - They’re all about lavish gifts, but there’s no emotional consistency from day to day.
- Pressure to commit quickly - They push being exclusive or emotional dependence early on.
- Hot and cold behavior - One day it’s overwhelming affection, the next they’re withdrawn or critical.
- Control disguised as care - Their jealousy and guilt-tripping is spun as “I just love you so much.”
- Still not sure if it’s real love or love bombing? “Real passion grows steadily and feels emotionally safe,” Houghton explains. “Real love shouldn't make you feel smaller, anxious or unsure of yourself even on the most romantic day of the year."
Source: Independent
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